Hey guys, Dylan here. Some people say they wouldn’t be able to work with their spouse, and I’m over here thinking I’d never want to work without her. Danielle is my very best friend, and she’s an amazing creative. She continues to inspire me and push me to be my best. But unfortunately, not all couples think this way. Some couples believe in this idea of “falling out of love” and to me, that’s just crazy. I’m a firm believer that love is an ACTION word and a choice…not a feeling. In preparation for our marriage, Danielle and I did a lot of pre-marriage and marriage studies that I think helped us start our marriage off on the right foot. Now I’m not marriage professional and still a newlywed, but in this blog I want to give you a few tips, ideas, and resources that have helped Danielle and I grow closer together each day.
Sleep with your spouse, not your phone
In the world we live in most people go to sleep with their phones right next to them and some even on their bed or under their pillow. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT judging. Before Danielle and I got married this was me 100%. I’d keep my phone by me, and it’d keep me up all hours of the night. I’d scroll Instagram, Facebook, and play games.
I’ve read quite a few books and studies and so many of them warn against this very thing. They talk about how if you do this it could make your spouse and even yourself feel neglected, and to me that totally makes sense. Not often do I feel neglected by Danielle but when I do the phone is involved, and I’m sure she feels the same way. Also this is easy to do, so you have no excuses.
Never go to bed angry
Before we got married, Danielle and I met with our pastor, the one that would be marrying us, and he gave us this advice. We’ve also read it in countless studies and books and we just love it. It’s so easy to give up on an argument and give your spouse the cold shoulder, but if you want easy, you shouldn’t have gotten married. Marriage is hard. You’re going to fight, disagree, and upset one another more often than you’d like. Sometimes fights are so intense you need a pause, and that’s okay! I hope that one of you have enough sense to communicate to the other that you need a second to breathe and calm down. After a little break try approaching the disagreement with a cool head. I promise you’ll fight, but that’s okay, just so long as you talk it out and at the end of the day forgive one another.
Talk about finances
One of the biggest causes of divorce is finances. They create a strain on marriages and families like you wouldn’t believe. One of the best ways to combat this though is to have open conversations about your finances. Talk to one another before making purchases, create a budget and stick to it, and save. Before Danielle and I got married I read a book by Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover, and it changed my outlook on money. I encourage you and your spouse read it, talk about it, and take its principles and apply them to your marriage. You won’t be sorry.
Never stop serving
The moment your marriage becomes self fulfilling you’ll notice it’ll begin to go downhill. You’ll see it as more of a burden and the grass will begin to look greener elsewhere. But there’s an easy way to combat that. Never stop serving your spouse. Never stop trying to impress them, and never stop dating them.
Think about when you and your spouse first started dating. You did everything you could to impress them, serve them, and let them know you care about them. So why on earth would you stop that when you tie the knot? It seems like common sense, but so many couples stop dating. Life, work, and kids get in the way, and their relationship slowly, and sometimes quickly, deteriorates.
If you don’t already know your spouse’s love language, I encourage you to learn it here. Immediately. Then, start speaking it.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Marriage isn’t easy, but with some intentionality it can and will be amazing. So take these tips and ideas and have your happily ever after.
Below are some other resources Danielle and I found helpful in our marriage. Check them out and if there’s anything we could ever do for the two of you, let us now!