I Didn’t Believe in God
I didn’t believe in God. I’m not sure I ever believed in Him until very recently in my life. For a long time I knew that he was supposed to be real, but there came a time in my life where I was totally convinced he didn’t exist. I didn’t exactly grow up in a “Christian Home”. I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby. We attended church on Christmas and Easter, and that was basically it. I was taught rules and rituals to follow. I never made first communion. When I did regularly attend church for one year, I was humiliated about being in a misfit class of older kids who hadn’t made their first communion. I’m not trying to paint a bad picture of my family or of the Catholic Church. I’m saying all this because when I attended church or the little bit of CCD (Sunday School) I went to, I was not once taught about God’s love.
Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved.
I had been influenced so much by non-believers and by society that I had a lot of doubts and questions when I was learning about God. I’m someone who does a lot of research before I make any big decisions. I needed to have all my questions answered and I needed all my doubts to be eased before I could fully trust and believe in God. I guess I was kind of like Jesus’s disciple, Thomas. I needed proof. I finally realized I’ve always had proof. It kind of feels like He’s been waiting for me all along, and I finally came back to Him.
John 20:25 But he said to them, “If I don’t see the mark of the nails in his hands, put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe.”
I still don’t have the answers, but I’ve realized I never will and don’t need to because I have God! And that is so freeing, to know I have a God that will always be there for me and has all the answers I’ll ever need. My life today is completely different. My life is not my own. It is God’s. I gave my life to God this past year, and I was baptized July 9, 2017. There were so many events and people and prayers that led me to God. I know this is very vague, but to explain every single strand woven into my blanket of salvation would take forever. It’s amazing to look back and see that He was at work in my own life even before I knew Him. It’s even more amazing to know that God has a plan for me and loves me.
Luke 12:28 If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?